Worst Trilogy Ever

Ever since a wee young bairn, I have enjoyed writing. My sis and I would regularly write out stories on A4 paper, stapling them together to make books, then re-write them to make them more interesting. Unsurprisingly, nobody ever wanted to read them.

Geez, that was a while ago!

As I got older, I found myself drifting toward horror novels and sci-fi TV* and spent more time day-dreaming than writing, so my head filled up with ideas that became mostly forgotten: though I do still have one novel and one mini TV series that have been banging around at the back of my head since college days, back in ... um ... oh ... 1989.


Actually, this is where blogging comes in. I may not actually write about much that is particularly interesting, but it is still writing ... and it seems I have inadvertantly written a trilogy.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you ... Dive Stores ... (bear with me, I'm tired and delirious!)

As is want with these things, we started at Episode IV - A New Hobby, where the young** OddThomas first started his journey to become a PADI Knight. Part of this journey involved the first steps into purchasing the equipment of the PADI and discovering that it was not as simple as he first thought.

This was swiftly followed by Episode V - The Enterprise Fights Back, where the young PADI rebels against the order company, cancels his second failed order and demands his money back, only to be told that the enterprise in question hadn't actually taken the money yet***. Stalemate.

Now, dear reader, prepare yourself for Episode VI - Return of the PADI...

In the not too distant past, 7 July to be precise, the slightly more experienced OddThomas placed his third dive order with a third dive store, intending to purchase a set of fins and a quality dive computer. Learning from previous experience, he opted for a standard delivery on the grounds that the order would probably arrive quicker.

Jump forward seven days to the following Monday morning, the sun is slowly stretching its way into the sky as OddThomas arrives at work and checks his email. A smile spreads across his face as he spies a delivery confirmation.

This quick message is to confirm that the order you recently made with the XXXxxxxxx store has now been shipped to you.


Order Number xxxxxx
Shipping date 08:34am 14th Jul 2008
Shipped by Royal Mail

Ooohhhhhhh, yes!

A tingle of excitement races through his body, a feeling not felt since the arrival of his MacBook so many months ago :-)

Two days later and no sign of the order, so he taps out a friendly and curious email to the dive store, requesting a tracking code, barely able to contain his eagerness to play with his new toys.

Then, yesterday...

Please accept my apologies,
The email that you should have received was to let you know that we needed to order the fins in for you, We do have the Stinger and interface in stock and the fins have been ordered.

Would you like me to send them all together when the fins arrive, or would you like the stinger and interface dispatching today?

Sorry again for the confusion,

Crestfallen, and rather frustrated, he tapped out a request to get the Stinger sent asap, followed by a rant...

To be continued...

Give me another thirty years and the technology may be around where I can properly tell you about the three prequels to this adventure: Episode I - The Web Order Menace; Episode II - Attack of the Bends; and Episode III - Revenge of the Fish.

I don't know which is more disturbing: that my mind is off-kilter enough to come up with this rubbish, or that I wrote half of this in the third person!

*Okay, I confess, I became something of a Star Trek fan. A Trekkie. I was gutted when I missed the opportunity to shake hands with Patrick Stewart when X-Men first came out :-(
** Well, young compared to Peter Stringfellow ... but then, who isn't?!
*** Admittedly, I kind of skipped over this one in the posts as it was quite a dark episode that I didn't want to revisit


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