However, for those of you out of the loop for various reasons, then here's what happened...
Those who know me well, know that I am not the bravest of people and so tend not to be very adventurous ... unless I can goad someone into keeping me company! As such, the thoughts of heading off to the life coach, driving round the really big parts of the M25 and into places I've never been before, sent my body into panic spasms that kept me bouncing back to the gents as though I'd got my knicker-elastic* caught in the toilet seat.
Luckily, at that time of day the traffic wasn't too bad and I managed to get there a full 15 minutes before I was due, which gave me time to calm my system down.
As luck would have it, LBC was having an holistic session where a guest was offering advice to callers. One young caller suffered from OCD and wanted to know if there was any way to calm the activity in his head ... something very relevant to how I felt at the time!!!
The guest outlined a quick breathing exercise that she said would help, so I tried it ... and it worked! By the time I walked up the driveway to the life coach's house, my system was feeling a lot calmer ... only now I was tense and looked like I hadn't remove the coat hanger from my jacket!
After having already visited the home of a psychologist (very weird), I was expecting to find lots of cushions, throws and 'cosiness' that would put me on edge. Instead, it was the kind of home I would love to own myself: clean, uncluttered and nicely sized. On top of that, the life coach's friendliness was honest and real ... always a plus!!
And so it began. What was intended to be a two hour discussion about my motivations and plans for the future turned into a three hour whinge about my life and lack of motivations! I daresay I probably should not have said half of what I did, but it was at least somewhat cathartic: probably because she successfully helped me to focus on what I should be doing to rectify it.
Okay, I had already worked out the source of my issues but it helped to have someone to talk to who could channel my thinking and get me started on changing my behaviour. For starters, I am banned from using the words but and sorry ... two of the most prolific words in my vocabulary!
I think that there might have been some two-way learning going on in this session and something she may have learned is not to say "think of another word to use in place of [insert word here]." In the case of but I came up with however, and apologies instead of sorry ... not quite what she had in mind!! :-D
By the third or fourth time I had done this, she was looking to the heavens for potentially divine inspiration (or intervention!), but she succeeded in remaining professional and bubbly throughout.
I don't mean to be hard work ... I just am!
So what is the source of my issues? Everyone who knows me already knows the answer to this and many of them have told me on numerous occassions: self-confidence ... or a distinct lack of it.
Okay, I know that there are millions of people out there with the same problems. The difference though, from my perspective at least, is that they all appear to handle it a whole lot better than I can.
The plan then, is to learn to handle new situations better and try to control the fear factor whilst putting a more positive spin on my thoughts. Hence my first list of actions has become:
- Banned from useing the words but and sorry
- Stop any negative thoughts in their tracks and find a positive aspect
- Respect myself more by making more of an effort to dress well
- Put myself into new situations, starting with a car boot sale for the junk in my flat
I'm not happy about that!
* This is just a general phrase! Please note that I do not wear knickers ... they rub all the wrong bits ;-)